Da Maddest Baddest Script Coordinator
Steve Levitan's assistant is a big bag o' poop. He says in his 3/9 blog that the phone rang twice that day. Hah. The damn phone rings off the hook and he's always peeping his beady eyes into the writers' room to extricate Steve for yet another round of notes from the studio or network, questions from casting, and designs from the set and costume departments. David just wants people to think he's not busy -- and anyone seeing him work would certainly believe that he's not busy -- but I see what really goes on, and i know better.
Being in production on a tv show is a bit like living in a different zoo for months at a time. Sometimes a few of the animals go with you -- kinda like the trailer for that new movie MADAGASCAR where the animals want to escape back into the wild -- ofttimes there's a whole new bunch of monkeys and marsupials to get to know. On STACKED two of our producers have assistants that scrape the top and bottom of the height range. In our zoo, we've got Melissa the meerkat at a scant 4'10" and Eric the giraffe at a gargantuan 6'7". She's a tiny little thimble o' cool water that could climb Eric our water tower giraffe if given twenty minutes and some rock pitons. Melissa and I were recently in the same zoo when we just worked at the new John Stamos show "Jake in Progress" and I noticed she was short but didn't really think anything of it until I saw her next to this redwood almost two feet taller than her. At 5'8" i consider myself the rhino inbetween. A horn, tough skin and loving to scratch myself on trees. Pic to follow...
No this isn't a reference to having to visit the loo, it's a triumphant announcement that our second show starts production on Tuesday 3/22. Heide wrote a great script and we have our table read in just a few hours where all the actors, writers and studio and network execs get together to hear how it sounds. We're very excited! I'll take a couple pix and post them in the afternoon. Stay tuned....
It's been said in times of war that an army travels on its stomach. I'd have to say that's definitely true when it comes to the writing staff of a TV show. Everyone eats all day long. And about all the travelling that takes place is from the writers' room to the kitchen and back.
Sometimes it's fruit, sometimes Pringles, sometimes candy, and pretty much all the time gum. Perhaps it's a necessity that all the writers who have their jaws in motion all day talking and joking keep the muscles constantly flexing, otherwise perhaps it's just an extreme oral fixation.
Not to be unfair to Judah, but to specifically be unfair to Chris Harris, Judah was the second mook to have had to elevate himself to table-level-height and get all songbird-esque for the delight of the writing crew.
Harris had the much more difficult task of being the first one ever having gotten "Sing a Song" and from his days of being a pirate on the seven seas it seemed obvious that "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum" would be his chosen tune. However, the evil sense of irony that dictates the writers' whims elected "I feel pretty" as the vehicle for the exposure of Chris Harris' raw singing talents.
I must say the song was carried out exceptionally well (given the singer's penchant for grog in the afternoon) but the surreal part of was not Mr. Harris' admirable performance but rather the impromptu back-up vocals by the entire staff. Who knew there were a bunch of theatre-freaks lurking in these overly manly appearances? I mean sure, one look at Murray's photo and you can tell, but the rest?!
So, as Judah exposed, one of the writers' room THANGS is to buy coffee every afternoon. All the writers have their name on a bottle cap in a box and whomever paid for yesterday's coffee gets to pull the next name/cap of who gets to pay for today's coffee.
In addition to the name caps there is a special "Sing a Song" cap that when pulled makes the puller obliged to have to stand on the table and sing a song of the room's choosing. Since Judah was so expose the existence of the game it seems only appropriate to expose how he was fortunate enough to pull his own name to sing a song. After much deliberation, "Summer Lovin'" was the last tune eliminated before Prince's "Kiss" was chosen.
Judah giving a falsetto vibrato of "You don't have to be beautiful, to turn me on..." and performing a little soft-shoe shuffle-step was the highlight of the day -- well, second only to the fact that Judah also drew his own name to have to pay for coffee for a second day in a row.
Sucka!
Okay, so learning this new blog system sucks. I had just retold the most high-larious escapade about one of our writers with a monkey a donkey and a turkey and i hit the wrong button and it's gone. Alas, you're going to have to imagine the brilliance until I can muster the energy to write the same thing again.
Well, I'm going to be the designate commentator from the sidelines in the Stacked writers' room. I'm not using my real name so that no one knows it's me and I can speak with complete freedom and impunity from the caustic derision of Murray. However, that is my dog in the photo and his name is Crash. Hm. Everybody knows that, I guess I'm screwed now.
Mainly I'll describe the inner workings of the sanctum we inhabit for 10 to 14 to 18 hours a day. As a famous dead person said on their death bed, "Dying is easy, comedy is hard." Some days we'll all spend hours just staring at each other or chatting about the benefits of electing a pirate as president or the weirdest thing we've attempted to flush and the success rates. Then we'll get back to writing jokes for Ms. Anderson. Then more flushing. It can be very tiring.
The way a writers' room works is there's a caste system. You have your Executive Producers who are the Kings of the show. They basically touch a joke and turn normal words into comedy gold. We genuflect before the EP's five times a day at distinct intervals and always to the east. I'm not sure why but when I reach EP status those bastards below me will have to double their bowing efforts.
Below the EP's are the Co-Executive Producers or Co-EPs. These are the kids left in charge when the teacher goes to the office or the bathroom. We have a very nice Co-Ep on our show, who is always funny and generous and tends not to read these blogs but there are so many toadys attempting to gain favor by talking poo-poo about others so I will never say a bad word about this person. Except this person is a total nutter. I didn't mean that. It was a joke. Ha ha. Woo hoo. Funny. But total nutter.
Below the Co-EPs are the Supervising Producers then Consulting Producers then Producers then Co-Producers. Basically all these producers are writers on a sliding scale based on experience. The closer to EP you get the more money, power and respect you get. Kinda like when you get closer to getting all ten stamps on your coffee card. Same exact thing.
There are a few exceptions in the producer category of people who are not writers. For instance, when you see a "Produced by" credit vs a Producer credit that person is usually the physical producer who controls the hiring of all the behind the scenes technical personnel and makes sure the show stays on budget and on time. Often "Associate Producers" are people in charge of post-production -- where the editing, sound mixing, music and special effects all coem together to form the show.